


Incomprehensible

by DoomedTemperament



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dirty Talk, M/M, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Some Humor, don't talk like that at the table, eren speaks german
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:24:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1770613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedTemperament/pseuds/DoomedTemperament
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi watched with mild interest as Hanji whispered something into Eren’s ear, pulling away with a wide smile and giving him a thumbs-up. Eren nodded and turned to look at Levi.</p><p>“Du bist hinreißend, wenn du rot wirst.”</p><p>Levi sighed and set down his spoon. “What did you say this time?”</p><p>“Don’t tell him!” Hanji squeaked, the shit-eating grin still plastered onto their face. When Levi narrowed his eyes, Eren simply smiled and resumed eating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Incomprehensible

**Author's Note:**

> So I've always loved fics where someone talks dirty in another language, but I only seem to find the ones where Levi is the one doing the dirty talking.
> 
> I figured that Eren, being the cocky little shit that he is, would be the one to do the talking.
> 
> Super awesome sparkly thanks to jongincandy, who did the translations for me. You rock! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
> 
> (EDIT: wow, over 100 kudos? You guys make me smile ;w;)

The dining room was too loud.

Levi rubbed at his temples, trying to get rid of what would surely grow into a massive migraine. The noise seemed to increase with every minute that passed, and he just wanted it to stop.

The main problem was with the members of the 104th trainee squad. Everyone was chattering away, laughing loudly and talking excitedly. Levi would have been satisfied if they were a bit quieter- it was typically less hassle to deal with squad members when they were happy than when they were upset, and that would mean work would be more productive later on- but that night, all it did was cause him annoyance.

“Is something wrong, Levi?” Erwin asked.

“It’s too damn noisy in here. It feels like somebody’s earfucking me with a piece of sandpaper.” Levi grumbled, trying to clear his thoughts. Stay focused, just keep eating like you normally would-

“Hey, corporal?” Eren reached over and tapped Levi on the shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts.

“What?” Levi snapped.

Eren paused briefly. “Ich finde dich süß.”

Several seconds passed, until finally, Hanji let out a whooping laugh. Levi glared at them, then turned back to Eren.

“What did you say?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow. Eren pointedly looked away, smiling to himself. Feeling confused, Levi glanced back at Hanji.

“Did you understand what he said?”

Hanji let out a giggle, but said nothing more on the matter. Levi pursed his lips and tried to finish eating his food.

Well, at least he had something to think about, other than his headache.

\---

The following day, Levi found himself in a heated argument with Hanji and Erwin.

“No, that’s completely ridiculous! I’m not attracted to the damn titan boy.”

“Levi, just admit it.” Hanji patted him roughly on the shoulder. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

“Is it because he’s a male?” Erwin asked. “Because you know we don’t judge-“

“I know you don’t.” Levi interrupted. “I really couldn’t care less about that.” By that point, his face had turned red- though neither Hanji nor Erwin could tell if it was from embarrassment or frustration.

“Corporal?”

All three people turned their heads to see Eren standing nearby.

“Something’s malfunctioning on Connie’s maneuver gear. Would you be able to take a look?”

Levi groaned, flipping the bird at Hanji and Erwin before stalking off to examine the gear.

\---

That night was marginally better. The noise level from the other table had gone quiet, meaning Levi could eat his food in peace.

And he would have, if Eren hadn’t been babbling on about something or other to Hanji. Levi watched with mild interest as Hanji whispered something into Eren’s ear, pulling away with a wide smile and giving him a thumbs-up. Eren nodded and turned to look at Levi.

“Du bist hinreißend, wenn du rot wirst.”

Levi sighed and set down his spoon. “What did you say this time?”

“Don’t tell him!” Hanji squeaked, the shit-eating grin still plastered onto their face. When Levi narrowed his eyes, Eren simply smiled and resumed eating.

What the hell was going on?

\---

“Wie siehst du aus, wenn du geil bist?”

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know that I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

“Sorry, corporal.” Eren replied, not sounding sorry at all. Levi glared at him, trying to ignore the stifled laughter coming from Hanji.

“You’re both horrible people.”

\---

The next several nights continued in the same manner. Everyone would act normally during the day, but at the dinner table, Eren and Hanji would murmur to each other, casting glances at Levi as they spoke in hushed tones. And each night, Eren would say something in German to Levi, smiling smugly all the while.

“Soll ich dir den Schwanz lutschen?”

“Ich wette, du würdest laut schreien.”

“Ich will, dass du meinen Namen stöhnst.”

Levi’s irritation steadily grew with every passing day. Each time, he would ask Hanji to tell him what Eren had said, and each time, they would refuse. At one point, he had even turned to Erwin to ask for information. Erwin shrugged and said he didn’t know (which was probably horseshit, but Levi really didn’t want to call him out on it. Too much effort.)

Eventually, he decided that he had no other choice.

\---

“I already told you,” Hanji drawled, “I’m not letting you know what he said.”

Levi slapped his palm against his forehead in frustration. “I need you to tell me. You’ve been spilling secrets to each other and it’s pissing me off.”

Hanji thought for a moment. “Say please.”

Levi hesitated. “Please.”

“Now say ‘pretty please’.”

“Pretty please.”

“Now say ‘pretty please with a cherry on top’.”

Levi gritted his teeth. “Pretty please with a cherry on top.”

Hanji hummed. “Hmmm, no.”

“Damn it, just tell me what he’s been saying!” Levi growled.

“What’s in it for me?”

Levi thought for a moment, then sighed. “I’ll clean your pigsty of an office.”

“Is that all? Because you’re going to have to do better than that.”

“I’ll clean it for the next month.”

Hanji grinned widely. “Now we’re talking!”

\---

“He said WHAT?” Levi sputtered.

“I’m not lying!” Hanji chortled, slapping their hand against their knee. Levi’s face had gone completely red, and his eyes were almost comically wide.

“Why the fuck did you tell him to say those sorts of things?”

“I didn’t tell him to say anything. That was all by his own free will.” Hanji smirked.

“And you thought it would be funny to just watch me not understand a word he was saying?” Levi grimaced, still blushing furiously.

“I was going to tell you eventually. You see, he likes you too!”

“For the last time, I don’t like him!” Levi groused, folding his hands across his chest.

“It’s okay to admit it, Levi.” Hanji said softly. Levi looked away and mumbled something incomprehensible.

“Do you want me to help you out?” Hanji asked after a short pause. “Because I know how you can win him over.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Fine. What do I need to do?”

Hanji leaned forward. “Just say this…”

\---

“Oi, Eren.”

Eren glanced up from his bowl of soup, glancing at Levi with curiosity. Levi cleared his throat.

“Beug mich über den Tisch und fick mich endlich.”

Eren nearly choked, patting his chest and coughing roughly. Levi raised an eyebrow. Hanji and Erwin watched Levi and Eren, both smirking.

“O-okay.” Eren said after a while, avoiding meeting Levi’s eyes.

The table was quiet for the rest of the meal. After the room had been mostly cleared, Levi gripped Hanji’s arm, stopping them from walking away.

“What exactly did I say to him?”

“You’ll see.” Hanji said cryptically, and walked away. Levi stood there for several seconds as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

“Corporal?” Eren said, scratching the back of his neck. Levi turned his head, noting that they were the only two left in the room.

“Um… about what you said to me during dinner…”

\---

The next day, Levi walked with a slight limp.

Erwin and Hanji decided not to mention it.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Ich finde dich süß. - “I think you’re cute.”
> 
> Du bist hinreißend, wenn du rot wirst. - “Your blush is adorable.”
> 
> Wie siehst du aus, wenn du geil bist? - “What do you look like when you’re horny?”
> 
> Soll ich dir den Schwanz lutschen? - “Do you want me to suck your cock?”
> 
> Ich wette, du würdest laut schreien. - “I’ll bet you would scream loudly.”
> 
> Ich will, dass du meinen Namen stöhnst. - “I want you to moan my name.”
> 
> Beug mich über den Tisch und fick mich endlich. - “Bend me over the table and fuck me already.”


End file.
